did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
