Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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