): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
