Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
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