Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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