Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
