Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
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