Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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