xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
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