Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Farmville is her only friend.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
