Don't make out with my wife yet
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
