We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Randomize
