How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
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