Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
