I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
