i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
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