foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
