While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
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we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
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Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Are we still banned from the library?
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night