the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.