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____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
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