I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way