loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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