Who wears a wallet chain?!
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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