3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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