So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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