one two three fourrrrnication!
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
