Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
