He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
