Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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