What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
