Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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