Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
