someone threw a dead crab at me
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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