Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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