There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
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