Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
