Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Randomize
