he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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