Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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