Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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