the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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