I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
