do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Randomize
