im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
