so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
