You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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