he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
