The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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