Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
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