Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
The 21 Worst Ways People Have Been Dumped
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
19 People Confess The Worst Things They Have Been Accused Of
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate