I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it