I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
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chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
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He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...