Well apparently he's into motor boating.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
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