She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
