you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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