Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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