so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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