yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
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