the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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