Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
