i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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