Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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