There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
