dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
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She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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