dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
She even gives head with a lisp.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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