life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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