Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
