I think i peed on brittanys purse
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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