The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
