Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Say something about gay babies.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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