She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Randomize
