i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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