I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
The Olympian is in my bed
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
