found the other keg... it's in the tree
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
