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this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
