His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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