who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
