I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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