Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
