Hey man sorry I got all grabby
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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