is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
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