If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
