I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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