Betty ford says i'm here all night
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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