you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
