I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
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Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
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I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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