I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
