Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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